No Alarm Early Riser and Other Fairy Tales (Reader discretion advised)

I thought this up at 3:35 a.m. Yes, because I was awake then. Why you ask, well that is what the life of an artist/mother is. If you are wondering, why I am rambling about my motherhood role suddenly, let me take you to the beginning of the story.

A year ago, during the June holidays and between a hectic work schedule and a crazy year which saw me very busy artistically, I found myself signed up for a early morning knowledge session, to start  the day out with. It was a great positive way to begin the morning and the knowledge was deep and at some levels still sinking in. It always ended in a lovely breakfast in Little India and sometimes that was more of a motivation to crawl out of bed.

The guide, for these knowledge sessions is a very motivated individual and I always love watching how he imposes upon himself these sadhanas*. Sometimes a 30 day sugar free diet, (and mind you that to me is ultimate tapasya*) and sometimes a 30 day exercise challenge. The knowledge and the exercise challenge I was completely sold on and managed to do it as well.

The sugar free I knew was not physically possible for me, as I am a Bengali and its anti my Bengali genes to be sugar free. Over the years no matter how much everyone tries to scare me with aging looks due to sugar, I would rather be a happy, wrinkled, rotund, grey mass, than an unhappy fit, beautiful, creature. Yes I have made peace with my tires and I know those of you know me will agree that there is more for you to love.

To get back to my early morning ramblings and where I am going with this. So now my same lovely self help group (and I must add each of them are such lovely souls and such precious gems in my lives that when they read this I know they will laugh along with me) announced a 30 day challenge of waking up alarm free to listen to these knowledge sessions in our own homes. This was announced on the whatsapp group. For one year we have motivated each other with lovely messages and I have always been very active in this group, if not in others. This group also has the privilege of not being put on a one year silence. However the alarm bells in my head went ringing on the sounding of this challenge.

The first day I noted they all woke up at 5 etc to listen to the knowledge sessions and share their take back from it. I kept mum. For those of you who know me, you do know how tough a challenge that was for me. In fact I am learning that through this challenge, how to actually stay away from an uncontrollable urge to react to each whatsapp message. Day 2 came and went with another round of silence from my end. Day Three started with me unable to wake up early for my cycling due to a late night return from a friend’s house after the Eid celebrations on Day 2. I am sure over here my husband will remind me (and as everyone knows in a long marriage we all just wait to point the others follies and it’s almost like there is an imaginary score board) that the late night return was due to my late realisation that it was an open house from 1 p.m. and not 7:30 as I had assumed, and even that thanks to being involved with a canvas I am working on. We  only made it at 8:30 and although it was officially to end at 9 we stayed and chatted with them and it was a lovely evening.  

So to get back to the story. I woke up on Day 3 at 6:10 a.m. when my daughter came to kiss me a goodbye before she was leaving for school. Yes after four years of waking up at 4:45 a.m. so she could make it to her school bus at 5:45, which involved dragging her out of bed, getting her bathed, ready and between the two of us struggling over buttons (as we are a majority of dyslexics in the family) getting her to gulp her milk and make it to the bus stop on time was a major feat for the day. It’s been three years since, when I have graduated to waking to just saying a tata before she leaves for the day. Yesterday however she decided to leave later and I could hear her phone blaring and I had to rush to remind her that Baba “needs” to sleep until 7:30. I went back to bed, hoping to catch a few more winks, however Little one comes in to say bye and rolls in and hugs and holds on hoping each day that I will tell him he doesn’t have to go to school. Instead as a ritual I motivate him torun along and take his bullies on, once for all. After he leaves I know sleep has become a fiction and on the other hand I can hear the canvas beckon me. I get up to tackle this new baby and also pack up another baby that needs to meet its new Mommie.

My life this year has had a few changes, amongst which is a life without a car. I actually love the time and freedom it has given me. It just requires better planning for the day. My day was chalked out, hair cut, drop off the order and then meeting an artist friend and seeing her lovely exhibition. All of this was a tick with a smile and I even got a ride back home in time for my art class with my little angels. Although I summed all of this in two sentences this did fill up the day rather miraculously. After the kiddos left I quickly whipped up a dinner between shouting out to my fifteen year old, who, was practicing her drama facial exercises, at the prospect of a humble home cooked meal, that gourmet food was gourmet because you don’t have it every day. The Mumma monster who shoves vegetables down her kids throats was quite shocked to hear her soon to be 10 year old retort, I think we should keep these vegetables, for the poor especially since there are so many who don’t get to eat. Between choking over my food and laughter and thinking I sent this one to speech therapy,  I gathered enough composure to make him eat his dinner and pack up my paraphernalia for a sudden shoot for a 18 year olds birthday. 

Quickly jumped into a pair of comfy pants and a bright top to match the occasion and was happily surprised with a very scenic venue. Due to client confidentiality I shall not reveal the rest. It was a fun shoot and yes I do event photography as well, as after so many years I can’t expect the husband to foot my art bills. For those who are still gullible to think that art is a financially viable option, let me tell you yes it is, but not for the artist. It is a money disappearing act for the artist while it may not be the same for the galleries, collectors and so on and so forth.

Came home and retired for the night. Was hoping to catch an uninterrupted sleep but as by now you have realised, this is more of a page from the artist-Moms diary, I was woken up with gentle shaking on my leg, “Mumma, I can’t sleep again”. I had to do the needful of stroking the head helping to count the sheep and amidst all this came out the phone and the mid night voyeur in me. After a while he was fast asleep and I was left with my thoughts. Here is when I thought, should I actually wake up and join these knowledge sessions on Day Four or ………. And a big pause here…….........Or just turn over and sleep. By now you figured out what was the choice.

Moral of the story, while some challenges are for me, others are not. I have to learnt to say No, and mostly to myself.  I have learnt that I don’t need to pick battles. I am not a warrior and all I need to do is own my life and lifestyle, the way I want it. I am an artist, a Mom, a daughter, a daughter in law and amidst all this I do have a partner who not only is supportive but also the reason why this article has its punctuations in its place.

No persons or animals were hurt during the making of this piece. If hurt afterwards, sorry you did not heed the reader discretion. ;)

Sadhanas: Meditations

Tapasya: Austerities 

State of Art

So Ravi sat, watching the little touristy noisy vessels going pass him. One, more lit up than the other. It was that decorated time of the year, when every little structure was sporting, their, little twinkling lights, while every shop was screaming special deals on the festive bargains. There and still not part of all this wear and tear, he watched detached, like an out of body experience.
His phone rang, he ignored it for a few times. After seven such calls, he finally answered, "Yah, I’m ok. Sitting by the river front.... no I'm alone. Yah you can come......but don’t bring anyone along."
After a while Samuel joined him. He asked Ravi, "So u waiting for Godot too?" They both laughed.
Samuel then sent Ravi an enquiring look, Ravi shrugged and confessed he was feeling too transparent in that crowd. Samuel nodded and said he understood, "It’s quite a circus there! Don’t know what’s selling there.....artworks, or people. Ravi then began, "I don’t know what is more disturbing, the circus or the people who watch the circus. I mean, look at me; am i not to blame? Don’t I want a piece of that cake, that they are all in there, battling for.
I can logically say that I feel I don’t belong there. But did i not come here to be a part of this flesh trade. Yah Samuel, don’t look at me like that, just because you and I are not buying and selling ourselves doesn’t mean others are not. I mean did u see how Coral, was behaving. It corrupts the creative space and disrespects, her own artwork. Can she not see that it’s not necessary to stand there and lure people to her work.
I mean the process it’s so sacred. It’s me and my space with my thoughts and ability. What comes out thereafter is a result of that experience. Forget me, can anyone actually make real sense of that thereafter? No they can’t, no u can’t! So why am I expected to stand there as part of an extended display and answer those banal questions? If I showed them my wounds, would they” stressing, “tell me Samuel, would they feel the pain? No they won’t. However maybe just maybe, there will be one person, who just was walking passed and stopped, stared and felt the pang. Now just because she felt the pang do we have to force her to buy the work? Maybe she doesn’t want a reminder of the pain. Maybe she just connected for that fleeting second. Do i have to compel her to see that she needs a daily reminder of the pain..... I mean isn’t it repulsive this entire process? Come and see me somersault, clap and when you are done clapping, buy a figurine at the door shop that will constantly remind you of what a buffoon I am."
Ravi stops and Samuel sighs....... "Ravi, I know you think it’s impure, this entire process. However this is how the world functions. Life is a market, some will sell others will buy. You have to understand you are not selling yourself, but a remnant of an experience. Some will not actually, just appreciate, but also fathom the entire experience. And until that happens, your work has to be out there looking. You are not a spectator in the circus, you and I are the circus. Me for funding the talent I’m trying to uphold and show to the world, and you for the mirror you hold, hoping to find your reflection someday in it. Alas, once here in this market, all we will see, is the blood that bleeds and shadows of people that used to be. You and I are not above this bazaar. We are the bazaar." Ravi stares away in front and then slowly he resigns and rests his head on Samuel's shoulder. Samuels phone rings, "Hello! yes, its 2,40,000. Yes, I’m bringing him over. He will explain it, himself." Ravi smiles.They slowly get up to leave the river promenade.

Breaking the Silence

It’s been a long silence. Definitely haven’t felt the need of words. Or rather the silence helped me realise the non-stop chatter of the mind…..and boy does it chatter. “Words”, are they the respite from this marathon mind chatter? Yes, have been thinking a lot lately about how words complicate more than they resolve. I think I like silence better. Music, yes! Apart from that, silence.

The current body of work has sprung from the verbal silence and constant mind chatter. I observe a lot more in this mode. Mostly myself, to the stimuli around me. I worked with a lot of images shot lately. These images on their own did not become a work of expression, but somehow shooting them exclusively and then bringing them together in a single canvas, they actually starting narrating a story. The story of the eternal query “who am I”, where do I feature in all this. Universal question and oft asked you may say. However the handling is personal. I am questioning in this body of work my own identity, my own crisis, my own stand. Stand in what you ask. The basic stand in who am I? What is my racial identity? What is my national identity? What is my standpoint if at all there is any? Why is there a need to have a standpoint? Why are we victims of hierarchy?  Am I religious or am I spiritual?

As an artist I react to the circumstances I am dwelling in, the socio-political environment as a global citizen. However the greater question is, should we not react as “human” instead of an identity given to us if not at birth, then at a later stage. These questions difficult to answer, yet I believe that the creative mind is more responsible for being the voice of the time they are living in. The onus is on us to bring the focus on what should be asked and what should be reacted against.

Artists who show in every art fair, start introspecting about where they are headed with their art and what happens after the next fair, need to start looking into their own thought process. As creative minds we need to take that long and hard look in the mirror ourselves, before we start seeing the shadows of others in it. I know I’m looking and I’m not liking everything I am see but it’s getting more and more entertaining. It’s like this Technicolor movie, that’s just getting to that suspense scene. So go grab your popcorn will meet you again with more juicy scenes after the India Art Festival. ;) 

Exploration Continues

This year has seen a different stage in personal art exploration. We (Maya and me) completed “Boundaries” an installation which was part of the Goodman art festival during the ARTWEEK. It is a  comment on the human encroachment of space, virtual and physical. It’s a permanent display and Goodman Arts Centre were our venue sponsors. Then came along Peregrination, which was an intense expression for both us artist and our understanding of journeys. We also got supported by the NAC for the same. During the exhibition we had some lovely workshops and two of them for a special needs school. Both of us enjoyed that and we are thinking of making it a more regular event in our lives. On the opening night we both did not want to stand and mingle with the crowd and “explain” our personal process and hence we took to doing a quirky start to the exhibition by having a live painting installation which was site specific. It served the purpose of entertainment and us not having to face the limelight. J

I thought I would take a break for a while and we knew we had another big mural project coming up. We even set up our joint company to do such public work. Yes Yellow Brush is now what the two of us own jointly. A partnership requires lots of thought and understanding and more than that a huge ability to give each other space and healthy criticism.

The break was cut short when my curator and good friend Vidhya roped me into an exhibition themed on Buddha long after the due date. I had lesser time than the other artists and was still reeling from the extensive “Peregrination”. Vidhya also insists on pure paintings and hence I could not give her my mixed medium work. I went back to traditional oils. I had fun I must admit and my whole take is on saying it differently. With Buddha everyone does a face or a hand. I have to move from the clichéd representation and hence in one I used colours that are bright and unusual and was happy to have just his eyes and ears in the painting, more on the Bodhi state of mind. The second one which was from a photographers perspective was looking at Buddha from the back. The head which along with the ears becomes an interesting focal point. Being such a laughter maniac myself who loves talking endlessly about the Happiness program, it was essential to have a lighter element and hence the floating Laughing Buddha was what I rendered as a difference. It was a good opening night. Yet what I did observe is unusual over confidence from first time and recently exhibiting artists who tend to over price their work. A little research helps in such cases. However this is when the creators ego steps in. Although very often these people will take a huge cut when selling directly and hence creating a complete hypocritical state in their own market standing. I wish them luck on their endeavours and personal journeys.

Moving on Maya and I are now going to start our huge body of work……we have been looking forward to getting this done. Its been months of planning and I can’t wait to see the final product on our clients wall. Working with Maya is always fun and we artists do enjoy our food so I look forward to a lot of food exploration too. Stay posted will write soon again. In the meanwhile enjoy these Buddha images. By the way, opening night saw my Bodhi do the first sale. 

Art Lingo and the Song and Dance

The art of gallery lingo, or what you can call jargon exists and the mango person, or in other words the common man is far often baffled with the intricacies that this dialect offers. What would normally seem sorted, seems unfathomable and too obtuse to connect with. What then, is the purpose of these handouts, write ups and this exalted conversation that the gallery guide subjects you to. Whatever happened to simple and easy to understand lingo you ask! Is simple understandable language deemed unworthy in this realm of creative beings?

In my pursuit to unravel this mystery lets discuss this further to get a perspective if not an answer to the mind’s query, in what is now recognised as International Art English (IAE) thus coined by David Levine and his friend Alex Rule, critic and sociology PhD student at Columbia university in New York.

Being an artist and often guilty of being caught up in this verbal maze of interpretation where an “apple” will not be referred to as a “red fruit” but “a red fruit of temptation which became the subsequent downfall of Adam and his kind, and yet has the power to mould the future...”.

Let us probe further into finding a reason for this rather digressive means of reference to the subject. Maybe a certain tone of textual seriousness is conveyed through the exalted usage of the language. It is probably to convey to the viewer, buyer or even browser, that they must drop their ordinary gaze and bring in their most prized glance, to fathom the depth of the presented art or their wallet, whichever be the case. Hence creating a psychological acceptance of the price list.

IAE, could also spring from the entire avant-garde movement which was heralded by the French and which was a non conformist movement to previously established rules in art and art movements. This new form of art needed new language to describe it. Hence an even complex task, when translated from French to English. Perhaps this also explains the rather French behaviour and mannerisms of today’s gallery assistants and certain curators too. You will now argue that if it is rooted in a cultural understanding of art why is it prevalent all over the globe. Good point, but then most art norms are generally set by the European art market. It is only recently that Asia has suddenly started having its say.

One can create an amusing past time of collecting literature, from various shows and exhibitions and doing a study of the language. This can well be used in lessons aimed at teaching editing by de-jargonising. However once simplified try using these as hand outs and I can tell you the entire exercise of creating an aura of a collection and mystery to the artists thought process is completely lost. Hence I would like to affirm there is definitely a certain beauty, and therein a purpose to mystifying the subject in hand. This is important when you are trying to re –interpret what has already been done by the artist. Hence despite all these exalted notes “the artists perspective” is often sought. The simplified language of the simple artist can sometimes even leave the buyer de-mystified or slightly disappointed. Here is when the curator jumps in and speaks for the artist and once again is very successful in re-webbing that aura of extravagance embedded in visual jargon. I have seen that happen one too many times, and sometimes even on panel discussions. Am I stepping on toes here....but anybody who knows anything about me, knows that I live and get my inspiration from these very tip toe moments.

Coming back to the matter at hand this jargon namely IAE and the need for it is something that even the new bee or hobby artist acknowledges. Some of these hobby artists, aspiring to call themselves as full time artists even take lessons with a “master” or someone of recognisable talent to be able to learn and de-code some of this jargon. At times these are even expelled from the system verbatim and can create an amusing evening and mind you I am a tea taller; so it’s not the wine that makes me smile and feel light headed. I do enjoy the food in these events as these often turn out to be well catered. And events they surely are!!

Hence it would seem there is a well established need for IAE in the world of art and art collectors and the art fakers too. It’s just that even within the realms of IAE some have totally mastered it while others are still trying to grope the very basics of it. As an artist, I do get curated for shows and as these are group shows I respect the curator’s skill in tying the entire exhibit and there after presenting each of the artists. I do self present myself in various shows and as an artist who does regular proposals for different bodies, I definitely understand the need to convey a concept. However when I do, I prefer to keep it simple and yet dreamy, painting with words, trying not to take away from what they will see, feel and ultimately take home with themselves, mainly memories and various impressions. Hopefully the next time you do come across an exalted piece of gallery literature you will give it that prestige it deserves and read it. Remember, those are hours and hours of work you will be shoving in your evening clutch. Personally I don’t waste money printing it...it’s up there on the wall; if you have the time to read it you will find it :)